Part one in the series My Depression Journey. “Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day He carries us in His arms. Psalms 68:19
The first time I was diagnosed with clinical depression was in October of 1983. The purpose for my doctor’s visit was a follow up to a lengthy illness. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health physically, but said I had depression. I barely knew anything about depression, so how could I have it?
Leaving the doctor’s office, I wasn’t convinced of his diagnosis, so I did my own research. I had all the symptoms, but refused to believe I had depression, so I did not reach out for help. Instead I decided to keep that part of my life a secret because I felt embarrassed, guilty and ashamed for not being able to control the intense weight of sadness that I had felt since childhood. So, as a 29 year-old Christian who loved and followed Jesus, I determined I would do my best to cast all my anxieties on Him and to walk in joy no matter how sad and isolated I felt on the inside.
Depression is a lonely place, especially when you’re hiding your depression from others. In 38 years, I’ve told only five people. I have judged myself more than you can imagine for something that I now know is not my fault, and I have lived with the fear of being judged by others, if they knew my internal struggle.
Going forward, for as long as the Lord leads me, I will write about my journey; past and present as a testimony to God’s faithfulness to me on my best and worst days. God bless you and always remember you are loved by God.
Great is God’s Faithfulness ❤️ Deb