My Depression Journey ~ The Beginning: Part One of Five

Part one in the series My Depression Journey. “Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day He carries us in His arms. Psalms‬ ‭68:19‬ ‭

The first time I was diagnosed with clinical depression was in October of 1983. The purpose for my doctor’s visit was a follow up to a lengthy illness. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health physically, but said I had depression. I barely knew anything about depression, so how could I have it?

Leaving the doctor’s office, I wasn’t convinced of his diagnosis, so I did my own research. I had all the symptoms, but refused to believe I had depression, so I did not reach out for help. Instead I decided to keep that part of my life a secret because I felt embarrassed, guilty and ashamed for not being able to control the intense weight of sadness that I had felt since childhood. So, as a 29 year-old Christian who loved and followed Jesus, I determined I would do my best to cast all my anxieties on Him and to walk in joy no matter how sad and isolated I felt on the inside.

Depression is a lonely place, especially when you’re hiding your depression from others. In 38 years, I’ve told only five people. I have judged myself more than you can imagine for something that I now know is not my fault, and I have lived with the fear of being judged by others, if they knew my internal struggle.

Going forward, for as long as the Lord leads me, I will write about my journey; past and present as a testimony to God’s faithfulness to me on my best and worst days. God bless you and always remember you are loved by God.

Great is God’s Faithfulness ❤️ Deb

17 thoughts on “My Depression Journey ~ The Beginning: Part One of Five

  1. Deb, thank you for sharing so bravely. You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of. I hope as you share it would make others feels empowered to share, reach out for help and for people to realise that struggles like these need support and help and not judgement.
    God bless you Deb.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Manu❤️ Your comment brought tears to my eyes. My prayer is for God to be glorified and for all who read to be drawn to Him from where our help comes from. You are a blessing to me❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I read your blog testimony and could relate. Thank you for sharing it with me. I pray you are having more good days than bad. And yes, I am looking forward to there being no shadows in heaven!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Good for you, Deborah! Thank you for sharing your former secret with your readers. I can fully understand why you didn’t want to talk about it, especially as a Christian person. Mental struggles just aren’t given the same weight as physical ones, by many people anyway. I look forward to reading your thoughts about living with depression. God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “I decided to keep that part of my life a secret because I felt embarrassed, guilty and ashamed for not being able to control the intense weight of sadness.”

    DeborahMarie. Life is tough and we will go through many troubles in a troublesome world. Keep the way we feel a secret, in my opinion, makes it worse. I love blogging and started because I was going through so much. I wanted to encourage others and be encouraged on my spiritual and health journey. You keep sharing, keep healing and never be shamed to share with us. We support one another. If you get a chance, please read my blog titled Season of Sadness” and the one posting in the morning. Take care DeborahMarie and know we are here for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh Deb, I can’t imagine struggling with depression for that long. May the fact you are exposing your depression to the light of vulnerability help to lessen the burden and even the symptoms. I admire your honesty and humility!

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.